so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize