Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have tasted many bathrooms
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
