She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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