Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
