we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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