no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
