So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
