Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize