Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I understand Curling. That high.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
