Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
