Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize