its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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