If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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