I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
