you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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