the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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