So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
