Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
