can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
