I wish life had little blips of pornography
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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