I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
