do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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