Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
