Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
