Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
