How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
