I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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