Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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