If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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