I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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