Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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