oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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