I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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