I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
When are your genitals available?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
