hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
