im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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