Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Farmville is her only friend.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize