upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I want to be your penis for a week.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
