Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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