Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize