Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
