who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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