I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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