She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
