He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
