im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
did i just pee glitter
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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