you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
