five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize