3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
