great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
