It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I know her cup size but not her name....
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
