I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
