Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
