as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
