erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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