I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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