I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
