rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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