When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Someone shattered a urinal.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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