Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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