I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How does it feel to date your dad?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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