I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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