when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
