you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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