We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
