my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
