I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
