white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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