I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
