I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
