And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
