I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
