You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
