well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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