I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
